If you’re thinking about getting in a relationship with kids (or if you have kids), or you are in a blended family relationship, keep these helpful tips in mind:
- Too many changes at once can unsettle children. Blended familieshave the highest success rate if thecouple waits two years or more after a divorce to remarry, instead of piling one drastic family change onto another.
- Don’t expect to fall in love with your partner’s children overnight. Get to know them. Love and affection take time to develop.
- Find ways to experience “real life” together. Taking both sets of kids to a theme park every time you get together is a lot of fun, but it isn’t reflective of everyday life. Try to get the kids used to your partner and his or her children in daily life situations.
- Make parenting changes before you marry. Agree with your new partner how you intend to parent together, and then make any necessary adjustments to your parenting stylesbefore you remarry. It’ll make for a smoother transition and your kids won’t become angry at your new spouse for initiating changes.
- Don’t allow ultimatums. Your kids or new partner may put you in a situation where you feel you have to choose between them. Remind them that you want both sets of people in your life.
Insist on respect. You can’t insist people like each other but you can insist that they treat one another with respect. - Limit your expectations. You may give a lot of time, energy, love, and affection to your new partner’s kids that will not be returned immediately. Think of it as making small investments that may one day yield a lot of interest.
I sure wish I knew this before getting in my relationship with my partner, but I don’t think it’s too late to keep some of these things in mind and give it a shot.
